She was in the back of the car, lost in a world of her own. Alzheimer’s had robbed her of so much. The vacant look in her eyes told the story of a self gone missing and lost somewhere we thought we couldn’t touch.
But we could.
I tuned the radio to the Sirius XM 40s channel, and soon the car filled with the music from the 1940s. Her era. Her music. The empty look was gone, and I watched her body bounce and sway with the music. A giant smile of unbridled joy spread across her face as she sang along.
Delighted my experiment had worked, I tapped my husband on the shoulder and told him to look in the rearview mirror so he could see his mother’s joy.
I had discovered what is now common knowledge—music is the last memory to leave. Music memory is tenacious, even against an opponent as strong and unrelenting as Alzheimer’s. My sweet mother-in-law had this dreaded disease and each time we saw her, another piece of memory had chipped away. She even had a fleeting moment when she thought her son was her husband.
The medical community has validated what I discovered that day about music memory. Now I always recommend learning the music your family and closest friends love so that should their memory go, or the end of their life nearing, you can add pleasure to their lives by playing their music. I also recommend creating your own playlist.
Years ago, I worked on a hospice ward. Having received special training, I would be called in to be with patients at the end of their lives. The ward had a special cart we brought in, and one thing it contained was a cassette player. The only music available was New Age music, the type you’d hear in spas.
I hate spa music.
As soon as the music started, I thought, if someone played that for me, I’d die quicker just to get away from the sound.
Certain this was not the music I wanted, I came home and compiled music to be played when I’m actively dying. It’s on my iPad in an Apple Music file labeled, End of Life Songs to Play For Ginni.
The wonderful thing about having this music in a special music file is that I am free to add and delete songs. I’ve done this many times over the years. It’s an eclectic group of songs. Some are there because they’re beautiful. Others because they are songs I’ve loved at different ages of my life and take me back to happy memories. I now have three hours of my favorite music.
I’d much rather float away on the sound of voices and instruments I’ve loved than on blah music chosen by a stranger. Wouldn’t you?
If you’ve created your music, you’ve given yourself and your loved ones a special gift because everyone will be ready when you want and need it.
Here’s to leaving this world carried on the sounds of music we love.
Choosing only a few hours even will be so hard! But thanks for the lovely reminder to do this!
Ginni, that is beautiful and I am going to start my EOL music playlist today. Thanks for sharing this great idea.