This quote inspires today’s writing:
“When you lead with your nice foot forward, you'll win” — Kristen Bell, USC School of Dramatic Arts–2019
If you only read online newspapers or watch tv, you might forget that there are more instances of kindness in the world than wars and verbal assaults. That is one reason the above quote touched me. It is a reminder that in order to win the important war being raged in our country and world-wide, we all must remember to lead with our nice foot forward.
I don’t mean you should bury your head in the sand. I am not naive, and I’m certainly no Pollyanna—ask anyone who knows me. But, as one small person, we each can contribute to the best in the world by not buying into or falling into the trap of thinking anger is the way to resolve every issue. It is not.
Anger is simply an immature way of expressing great sadness and fear. It makes people feel more powerful. And I can understand why. Anger feels like a powerful emotion because it expends a lot of energy.
But in addition to being unpleasant and causing fights, anger is dangerous for our health. Angers kills in more ways than one. The increase in chemicals like adrenaline create energy surges. The result is your heart rate increases, your muscles tense, and your immune system is compromised. Over time, anger can shorten your life.
I used to be an angry person. Had a terrible temper. I learned it from my father and it was exacerbated by my older half-brother’s cruelty towards me. One day when I was a teenager, I was yelling at my next-door neighbor, Phil, who is more like my little brother than a friend. He quietly said, “You know, Gin…when you yell, I can’t understand a word you say.”
I still feel the red sting of humiliation blanketing my body. I felt foolish. Those simple words were the beginning of awareness and my road to being a recovered rage-a-holic.
It’s been decades since anger ruled my life. I’m not saying my temper is gone. It’s there. I just make sure I allow no situation to get to a point where I feel the need to yell. I stay present and tend to the uncomfortable and pesky weeds that can so easily creep their way into our relationships.
I believe anger only begets more anger. Having seen war my whole life, it seems it only prepares us for the next war. We wonder why they keep happening, especially now when another war has broken out.
I don’t claim to have the answer, but this is what I think. Wars keep happening because we haven’t learned. We label others monsters. But until we understand that we each have the potential for that monster inside us, we’ll never begin to heal that cancer. We call the horrific actions inhuman. I wish they were. Unfortunately, cruelty and violence are all too human.
Human beings are the most violent animal on the planet. And yet, we have the potential for the utmost kindness imaginable.
I believe every school curriculum should include courses in Compassion that begin no later than the third grade.
Here’s another idea. What if, instead of war, we got people together to talk and learn about each other? I’m sure we’d need mediators, and having experts in communication available would be important.
Let’s start young. I mean with babies. Put babies of all colors and nationalities together and keep them meeting for years. Babies don’t know color or differences. They have to be taught.
Hate is not genetic. It’s too easy to say it’s human nature to want to take what someone else has or to feel we aren’t getting enough while someone else is. We may feel that way, but we can learn to recognize and monitor those feelings.
I wonder what our world would look like if we spent more money on teaching communication and compassion, and less on creating more weapons? Weapons are “a means of gaining an advantage or defending oneself in a conflict or contest.” If we have to create “weapons”, wouldn’t it be wonderful to create Kindness Weapons? We wouldn’t choose to gain an advantage and defend ourselves because we’d be feeling too good to care about unpleasant things.
I’m with John Lennon: You may call me a dreamer, but I’m not the only one. I hope you’ll join me, and the world will live as one.
Anger is one of the lower emotions on the map of consciousness. I love this piece, especially your recollection with Phil's stinging remark and how it spotlit your own anger and caused you to be more conscious of transforming it.
Every great movement began as a wish. A dream. A twinkle in the eye of the dreamer. An inspired moment.
It is not too late. We are not victims. We are the creators of our dreams.
Ginni, you are inspiring.