I first heard the Righteous Brothers sing Unchained Melody when I was 14 years old. I guess many of you may recall it from the movie Ghost where it played while Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze molded wet clay on the pottery wheel.
Unchained Melody lied. “Times goes by so slowly…” the Righteous Brothers sang, and it’s not true. Times does not, I repeat, does not go by slowly, “so” or otherwise.
I still love the song.
How often were you told you had all the time in the world? You didn’t then and you don’t now. We never know what the next moment will bring, so we need to act while we can. Not only that, we don’t even know whether there will be a next moment for us. The only time we have for sure exists right now.
I’ve read that time is actually a concept created by humans and it is significantly more fluid than we understand. I won't go into that because I’m no physicist and don’t study the workings of time, other than the pathways it’s molded into my face and body over the years.
All I know is that one day I was small and young, wishing I could be an adult, and then I woke up and I was old. I hate writing that I’m old because I don’t feel that way. Unfortunately, the news likes to point out that “truth” by describing people my age or even younger as old or elderly.
I still believe old is for people who’ve stopped living. Those who don’t create or find time to smell roses or watch a sunset or worse, fail to appreciate each of those fleeting moments of their lives. I’m none of those things and neither is anyone I know.
We “elderly” are a lively group. We challenge ourselves to try new things. Pickleball anyone? A fun sport I once thought was for older people until I played. It’s a game for anyone. Lest you think that’s not true and it is for old people, I encourage you to watch Anna Leigh Waters, the number one female pickleball player in the world. She’s 16. Obviously, not close to old. Even if you reversed her numbers, that would be 61, and today, they consider 61 the new 40.
I remember the day my cardiologist, looking at my chart, noted my age and said, “Sixty is the new forty.
“That may be, doctor, but my body didn’t feel like this when I was 40.”
Here’s the truth, 60 is the new 60, just as 70 is 70, etc. We know how old we are chronologically, but we have some say in how old we are biologically. Chronological age is based on when you were born. Biological age is determined by our biological and physiological development.
A medical test we both took reviewing the health of our guts showed my husband is five years younger than me. He isn’t chronologically, but chronology only tells one story. Healthy eating, working out, enjoying sports, maintaining a good weight, staying active, and genetics impact your biological age. And your biological age could be much less than your number of birthdays. This tells us we should never let our chronological age make us believe we’re something we’re not.
If I never looked in the mirror, I could believe I’m any age because inside I’m every age I’ve ever been. Some days I’m five, others maybe ten.
Here’s a story: In 1996, I was running a center for grieving children I founded. I trained volunteers and led the children’s groups. Because I had just started a new group, the activity that day was an ice breaker where we paired up with a child and interviewed each other by asking questions. One question was How old are you? As soon as I told the dark-haired six-year-old girl interviewing me that I was 47, she stood up and shrieked, her body bending with each bellowed word: FORTY-SEVEN, FORTY-SEVEN. YOU’RE FORTY-SEVEN!!?!
Have you ever seen or heard those miniature frogs that make sounds loud enough to carry through a forest or multiple neighborhoods? If you have, then you’ll understand her volume level.
A few weeks later, during an interview by a local reporter I shared the story about the little girl’s reaction to my age. The reporter said, “Were you upset?”
“No,” I said, “why would I be? I know I’m forty-seven.”
I removed the age question from the interview sheet because I realized that to a young child, an older age may be overwhelming.
About a year later, while leading my weekly grief group at a local middle school, one girl asked how old I was. Recalling the experience with the six-year-old, I didn’t rush to share my age. Instead, I said, “Well, it depends. Some days I feel five, other times maybe seven…”
Before I could finish, she said, “I know what you mean. Sometimes I only feel three.”
Everyone else chimed in with what age they felt. The conversation ended when one girl said, as she sauntered around the table, “Well, I think Ginni is 36.” Works for me, I thought, and we moved on to another topic.
Age is just a number. And it also holds many truths. No matter how much we might want to tell ourselves we’re younger than we are, our bodies know the truth.
Thinking of age as a number reminds me of a wonderful man I once loved. I recently completely a book about our time together. He was 58 and I was 26 when we met. More than once during our years together, he would say, “I’m younger than you.” I often thought, looking at the lines on his face compared to my smooth skin, I don’t think so. I never had the heart to share my thoughts because he needed to believe he was young. And he was, in all the important ways. He had a curious mind and filled his life with new adventures and ideas.
Unfortunately, his body knew the difference and time caught up with him. He died from Alzheimer’s in 2004. I brought him to life in my writing and I hope one day I’m able to publish my book and share him with you.
Now, back to time and age. I may not be young by society’s standards, but I am all ages I have ever been. Today, I’ll choose one and stick with it. So, I’ll be 10 because I was happy then, and I’ll bake a cake to celebrate.
And how old are you? And what makes you feel that age?
I’ve added a favorite song about time for your enjoyment:
I will always be fifteen in my heart - the magical year of blossoming as a female, discovering boys and true friends! Thanks for the reminder that age is what you believe!
Great piece. I remember when I was around 12, I loved reading my mother's monthly edition of New Woman magazine and in one of them I found the glorious adage "Age is an attitude and not a number." I believe I started living from the credo that day. I am fifty and don't feel a day over 30 mostly accept when I have to look around my house for my reader glasses in order to see things like your article. I love you Ginni. I've known you for twenty plus years and I still think you are younger than me, your ten year old is probably the most visible age on you that I have known, sassy little opinionated sweetie with a heart of gold and gusto and a sarcastic bent with a twitch of witch.