It might have been walking down the aisle of the grocery store when I realized women say they’re sorry and men don’t. Wanting to pass a woman whose cart blocks my way, I say, “Excuse me.” The woman glances back and says, “Sorry,” as she scurries to move her cart. Same scenario with a man, but he glances back and says nothing. I’m lucky if he moves.
You are wise. Glad your pickleball group has a no sorry rule. “[I] have always suggested that sorry was not a response to an error. Mistakes are part of the learning process.” Great statement.
Love this Ginni! I gave up saying "I'm sorry" almost seven years ago. Instead I say "Thank you for your patience, or I appreciate that you waited." I frame things in the positive rather than the negative. This is a great share...all of your work is.
This is so spot on. I realize I apologize even to my husband for the smallest things that don’t warrant an apology. Many times he will say you don’t have to apologize to that. I think woman are raised to apologize for actions whether they warrant an apology or not. And I couldn’t agree more on Pickleball! I’m going to be more cognizant of my “sorry”.
Love this! There’s ‘No Sorry’ in pickleball we had to declare...unwritten rule! Women do it instinctively, myself included. I laughed at you hitting side out/wrong line. I miss getting the ball over net sometimes...but so do men...you’re right, they never apologize. Sorry about your brother... life’s too short to fret I am learning. Pickleball, like life... is all about fun imo! We laugh at ourselves and each other! Thanks for this uplifting post... let’s keep reminding others sorry is overused and wrongly used!
also pondering. I loved it when you said that the rift with your brother freed you. Same story in my family too! I mean the freeing part. You are right that many men are unable to express sorrow. My son has been one of them and it’s a mystery to me. He wasn’t raised that way. However, as we sat and had a heart to heart talk after a magical dinner together he heard that we had different memories regarding a financial transaction a few years ago. He was shocked that he was unaware of my expectations and actually said he was sorry for the misunderstanding. We discussed how to address it. Now that I have options and have been heard, it helped me to reframe my underlying angst and resentment. What an amazing experience, without resenting his choices because I felt unseen and disregarded, I am making choices that were always available to me but I felt we’re not furthering self sufficiency.
I am of the opinion that women have read Emily Post and use I’m sorry as a courtesy. I know I read it and do say I’m sorry. Most of the kids I grew up with never heard of her. Hopefully for all, there will be come a time EARLY in each person life, that they will do as you did and realize that your trying to right a wrong with an idiot is fruitless and then just walk on down the road.
Love the little girl photo you used to illustrate this. Sorry is poo. Bah glugglug. Sorry, not sorry, is my new motto. We are all humans navigating this schoolhouse earth and no need to apologize for the plethora of experiences that brings.
You have made me more conscious of when I do and don't say sorry. Sometimes I feel I err on the side of missing an opportunity to say sorry. Thanks for waking up my consciousness or lack of, ha, ha.
Thank you for this wonderful essay. I love your informative humor.
I play pickleball as well. A group of us started as beginners and learned to play together. I’m sorry ran rampant as we played. We decided together that saying you were sorry if you made an error was not allowed in our games. We would laugh and remind each other for quite a while until it literally disappeared.
When someone new joins us we tell of our no sorry rule if it comes up. It’s amazing how hard it is for the new player to refrain from the reflexive sorry response.
I teach piano lessons and have always suggested that sorry was not a response to an error. Mistakes are part of the learning process. They give us information on what we could do to avoid the same mistake again.
I’m sorry needs to be reserved for sincere apologies. 💖
Very interesting to think about it that way—especially the part about women saying “sorry “ and men not. I plan to be more conscious of that from now on…
I hope you're aware that your writing skills are of a quality that should give anyone confidence in their writing ability. If you believe in yourself, then it really shouldn't matter what other people think of your writing anyway. It's nice to be acknowledged, to be appreciated. I understand that! But if you've received little accolades and praises for things you've written along the way, as I'm certain you have, that's the kind of support, speaking from experience, that sustains a person through those moments when they're wondering how something they've written will be received by their audience. It's a little picture/big picture thing. How much does that uncertainty and worriment really matter in the big picture?
themselves as a should give you are such that h writer that you needn't
You are wise. Glad your pickleball group has a no sorry rule. “[I] have always suggested that sorry was not a response to an error. Mistakes are part of the learning process.” Great statement.
Love this Ginni! I gave up saying "I'm sorry" almost seven years ago. Instead I say "Thank you for your patience, or I appreciate that you waited." I frame things in the positive rather than the negative. This is a great share...all of your work is.
This is so spot on. I realize I apologize even to my husband for the smallest things that don’t warrant an apology. Many times he will say you don’t have to apologize to that. I think woman are raised to apologize for actions whether they warrant an apology or not. And I couldn’t agree more on Pickleball! I’m going to be more cognizant of my “sorry”.
Love this! There’s ‘No Sorry’ in pickleball we had to declare...unwritten rule! Women do it instinctively, myself included. I laughed at you hitting side out/wrong line. I miss getting the ball over net sometimes...but so do men...you’re right, they never apologize. Sorry about your brother... life’s too short to fret I am learning. Pickleball, like life... is all about fun imo! We laugh at ourselves and each other! Thanks for this uplifting post... let’s keep reminding others sorry is overused and wrongly used!
Ginni! You always write about things I am
also pondering. I loved it when you said that the rift with your brother freed you. Same story in my family too! I mean the freeing part. You are right that many men are unable to express sorrow. My son has been one of them and it’s a mystery to me. He wasn’t raised that way. However, as we sat and had a heart to heart talk after a magical dinner together he heard that we had different memories regarding a financial transaction a few years ago. He was shocked that he was unaware of my expectations and actually said he was sorry for the misunderstanding. We discussed how to address it. Now that I have options and have been heard, it helped me to reframe my underlying angst and resentment. What an amazing experience, without resenting his choices because I felt unseen and disregarded, I am making choices that were always available to me but I felt we’re not furthering self sufficiency.
Freedom is powerful.
I am of the opinion that women have read Emily Post and use I’m sorry as a courtesy. I know I read it and do say I’m sorry. Most of the kids I grew up with never heard of her. Hopefully for all, there will be come a time EARLY in each person life, that they will do as you did and realize that your trying to right a wrong with an idiot is fruitless and then just walk on down the road.
Really great. Soo true. Thanks for sharing!!
Leslie
Love the little girl photo you used to illustrate this. Sorry is poo. Bah glugglug. Sorry, not sorry, is my new motto. We are all humans navigating this schoolhouse earth and no need to apologize for the plethora of experiences that brings.
Lovely . . . simply Lovely!
You have made me more conscious of when I do and don't say sorry. Sometimes I feel I err on the side of missing an opportunity to say sorry. Thanks for waking up my consciousness or lack of, ha, ha.
Yup!!!!! 😊🕊️
Nice essay!
Thank you for this wonderful essay. I love your informative humor.
I play pickleball as well. A group of us started as beginners and learned to play together. I’m sorry ran rampant as we played. We decided together that saying you were sorry if you made an error was not allowed in our games. We would laugh and remind each other for quite a while until it literally disappeared.
When someone new joins us we tell of our no sorry rule if it comes up. It’s amazing how hard it is for the new player to refrain from the reflexive sorry response.
I teach piano lessons and have always suggested that sorry was not a response to an error. Mistakes are part of the learning process. They give us information on what we could do to avoid the same mistake again.
I’m sorry needs to be reserved for sincere apologies. 💖
Very interesting to think about it that way—especially the part about women saying “sorry “ and men not. I plan to be more conscious of that from now on…
I hope you're aware that your writing skills are of a quality that should give anyone confidence in their writing ability. If you believe in yourself, then it really shouldn't matter what other people think of your writing anyway. It's nice to be acknowledged, to be appreciated. I understand that! But if you've received little accolades and praises for things you've written along the way, as I'm certain you have, that's the kind of support, speaking from experience, that sustains a person through those moments when they're wondering how something they've written will be received by their audience. It's a little picture/big picture thing. How much does that uncertainty and worriment really matter in the big picture?
themselves as a should give you are such that h writer that you needn't
I’m sorry you feel that way. lol,
Coming from a dude.